Deltarune came out recently. The game is very good!! I played it in two sittings, only divided by me going to sleep haha. I think the game was definitely worth the wait; everyone that i have seen play it has thoroughly enjoyed it.

It's made me start to worry though. I've written before about the fact i am likely more scared of death than i had initially though i was and i think a portion of that fear extends to being forgotten. (you know, like the movie coco by Disney Pixar hahahahahahahaha). I am absolutely terrified by the concept that one day after i cease to exist my mark upon the world and history will be null. I know i won't have a big impact politically or monetarily or whatever, so my only real hope to be remembered is art.

I'm usually led to thinking of this sort of thing after thinking about stuff like deltarune or homestuck. Both are franchises have changed my life in some way. Undertale was one of the first games that really made me want to make my own games (i even did some awful battle animations for it in sticknodes when i was younger.) I was absolutely obsessed with the game when i was younger and i think it fundamentally changed the outcome of my life in many ways. However, undertale came out right as i was at the cusp of gaining access to the wider internet (i think i was 9 when it first released?) so i never interacted with the fandom outside of youtube videos or fan theories. Deltarune though...

Oh my god deltarune. When the first chapter released in 2018 i was only just starting to get into fandom content. So i saw the videos on youtube, maybe a bit of fan art and a gametheory episode. And then chapter 2 happened. In 2021 i was 14 - peak fandom age. I had a computer by this point too, so I was able to actually play the chapter myself. The first time i played it i did so with a friend, we took each enemy encounter in turns as we played through the chapter together. Chapter 2 was such an interesting time to be a part of the fandom; after chapter 1 and it's now infamous fake-out ending people just thought kris was going to be evil or something lolol. But chapter 2 was such a reset, so many new characters to interact with; berdly and noelle and queen and spamton. Deltarune gained a fandom all of its own outside of undertale which was really cool to see (after the chapter released i had some fan art of the cyber city as my desktop background for like 4 months hehehe). God the fandom was insane, even before the snowgrave route was discovered.

It had such an impact.

The same can be said about homestuck, on a scale much larger still. I think homestuck changed me in many, many ways and i don't think i will ever be the same as i was before i read it. The comic really inspired me to do more; i see why it had the cultish following that it did in the 2010s. I would kill to have been born in like 1995. 14 when the comic started, reading every update as it came out. Can you even imagine what it would be like to watch collide when it first released??? when it crashed newgrounds?? Getting the police called on me for making too much noise, telling the officer that homestuck updated and reading it with them under a shock blanket (hehheeheh reference). It would have been so cool to have been on the forums at that time too, making friends there. I have this running thing (not really a bit or a joke) with my friend jane about wanting to have met on the homestuck forums haha.

But i also think to myself, if i was there on the forums, at the right place at the right time... Could have made a name for myself? Could i have set up a future career? I can only dream really (the answer is probably no). All of this has really been 3714 characters of preamble and context in order to explain what i really want to explain.

I want to fully exist online. That was originally the title of my last post but I got rid of it after that became more centered on suicide and fear of death. However i think that this time i'm in the right position to talk about this more fully.